Monday, June 25, 2012

Baby Gear I will NOT be asking for...

This all started when I was at a friend's house talking about if I needed a baby shower for my second baby. I was flipping through a magazine and saw this advertisement for a Juju Band.

According to the ad, Juju Bands navel protectors help create the perfect innie. I laughed so hard at the idea of worrying that much if your child has, not just any innie, but the "perfect" innie belly button! Even the idea that it protects the fragile stump made me smile. Lydia's fell off in PJ's truck the first time he took her out for some daddy/daughter time. He didn't even notice until I pointed out that it was gone. Unless there is a Juju Band stump finder apparatus, I don't think I am interested. On second thought, I am not interested under any circumstances. So, while I contemplate what baby items I do need for this new baby, here are some items that I definitely WILL NOT register for!

Baby Bangs. Seriously. It's a baby TOUPEE, so your girl baby doesn't have to bear the social stigma of being called a boy! Lydia had hair, then went bald and eventually grew hair again. You know what we did? A headband with a hair bow, and people still called her a boy! My understanding is that the baby bangs are attached to a head band, so if you have a bald baby without the product, you will have a baby with the friar tuck hair do with it and people will still probably call it a boy! Besides, this one is just creepy.

Stroller Fan. OK, I can give one pass on this one to the parents of any child with a medical issue where temerature regulation is an issue. If being stuck in a crowd may cause your child's health to become compromised because it suddenly gets warm, by all means buy a fan, buy a big fan for your stroller. Otherwise, I am reminded og the late commedian Mitch Hedburge. He did this bit about broken escallators not needing out of order signs. They just need new signs that say stairs! It seems to me, if your kid is hot, and you have them in a stroller, your kid doesnt need a fan. They need a MOVE!

The Tummy Tub and Steps Combo Product pack..... This may take a little while to explain. The theory is that placing your newborn in this bucket of water will force them back into a fetal position womb like experience. The only problem is in the womb, a baby didn't need to worry about pesky issues like BREATHING! The parent is asked to hold baby's head above water so they don't drown. Looks fun, doesn't it?

Seems to me if a similarly shaped plastic bucket has to carry a warning label NOT to allow babies to play in it, then actually paying big bucks for a baby bucket/tummy tub is counterintuitive. But wait, there's more! The makers of the Tummy Tub also sell a product called "Steps". Steps are designed to start out as the base piece to hold up your tummy tub so you can focus on holding baby's head above water. But steps are multifunctional and can transform into a practice potty (so one kid can pee into the plastic piece that can later hold up your baby's bath bucket). Sounds GREAT, but it gets even better. When all the kids have moved out of bucket bathing and onto a real toilet, Steps can transform into a stylish ottoman. That's right, mom! Take a load off and rest your feet on your kid's former practice potty! Um, no thanks!

Last, but certainly not least, is the Zakky pillow. For the low price of $45, you too can have disembodied hands trick your baby into thinking you are holding them! I have no words. Just soak in that picture and know that while their are several baby items that I would love to receive, I will not be registering for any of THESE!


Traci said...

I seriously almost peed my pants laughing at this... OMG the baby bangs are hysterical, but nothing... NOTHING, is as creepy as those hands!

Jana said...

Lol. Ok, I confess....we had the stroller fan, but only because we were headed to an amusement park when our oldest was only a couple months old. It wasn't the ideal temp for a newborn and I was terrified that she would overheat and have no way to let us know. These other items are crazy!!!!!! And as for the fan??? Yes I would buy it again. In a heartbeat!!!

Sandra said...

Ok, the look on the baby's face that's being hung in the bucket....that says it all! That's the most pleasant face they could get a picture of to use on their website!?!? He looks thrilled!